Everything

Connor sets out on a journey It sounded so easy when the ritemaster first said it. Just 'survive.' I thought it wouldn't be a big deal. But that was a stupid thing to think. As the weeks dragged by, I wondered whether they sent me alone on purpose. Not because I was the only cub of age, but because they wanted me to fail. The thought eventually drowned out any pride I took in finally getting the chance to prove myself. I felt the Rage building up in me little by little, telling me the whole thing was pointless.

That night, I was so hungry. I didn't know how long I'd been out there, it felt like forever. I ran across some human men in the park in the middle of the night and couldn't con­ trol myself. All the spirals I'd been thinking myself into just exploded into mindless fury. It was a good thing something else was there to stop me. It came flying out of the shadows, slammed into me, and bowled me over while the men ran away.

It wasn't until I sank my teeth into one of its limbs and it snarled at me that I came to my senses. In my mind's eye right then it had vicious blood-red eyes and knifelike fangs as big as my head, and that snarl sounded like death. I whimpered and cringed back from it. I was sure that was it for me, it was going to bite my face right off. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the end.

Instead, after a moment the weight lifted and a voice said, “You picked a hell of a place for your Rite of Passage, kid. Also, ow.”

I blinked and looked up. The slavering nightmare mon­ ster was gone, replaced with a Garou woman dressed all in dark colors. She smirked at me. “Come on, it's over. You did it. You passed. We're going home.” I'd thought I would be happy, but it just filled me with dread. In some ways, being

out here on my own was easier. But she said to wait and see. She said things would be different now, and if it turned out they weren't, I was welcome to go back out and eat as many humans as I wanted. I'm pretty sure she was joking.

Her name was Naomi. She took me back to the caern and told me she'd been tailing me for a week, watching me. She didn't explain why. She was there when the sept came together to recognize me as cliath. Everybody was there, even people who hated me. I was shaking the whole time. I kept expecting the truth to come out, that it was all just a big joke, they just wanted to watch me make a fool of myself out there all alone and now I had to pack up my bags and go. I could hear them laughing and laughing. I couldn't decide whether it was fear or outrage that was pumping my blood so fast. Before the rite had even started, I'd already decided it wouldn't happen. I'd starved and bled and almost killed someone for them! It wasn't fair!

But I was wrong. Everyone was quiet and serious — no, what's that word? Solemn — when I came through the gathering to the shrine where the ritemaster was waiting. They all just watched when the ritemaster told me to take my breed form, even though I felt exposed up there, like admitting that this really was my breed form, and I couldn't pretend it wasn't. When she marked me with the Garou sigil they cheered, instead of jumping up to stop the rite like I'd seen in my imagination. Remembering how I'd suffered and survived against all odds just like any werewolf hero in the stories made that dark spiral in my mind go away, at least for a while. Fighting against the Wyrm didn't seem so much like their war anymore, but more like ours. I thought of the ritemaster herself standing where I was standing now, listening to the same words and maybe being just as nervous, too. I thought, maybe I could be a ritemaster myself someday. I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

Afterward, they threw a party, and even though I knew it was mostly just an excuse to have one, it still felt like it was for me. For the first time, I belonged there. I even learned a new dance from another Galliard and got invited to a prayer circle with the Children of Gaia. I was one of them. Maybe they did hate me, but at least I was one of them.