Everything

Connor, Galliard Child of Gaia A whoosh of air and a bright light came up from under me, and I felt floaty. Um, what's the word? Weightless. Then I couldn't feel the ground under my feet anymore, and I really was floating! I reached out my hand to steady myself, and I saw that the light was coming from me! I couldn't see Angelica anymore down there. I heard her voice inside my head. It said, “In here, birdbrain.”

“What? Hey! I'm not a birdbrain!” “Of course, you're not. Just hold still, will ya? Inscribing my fury into your soul ain't exactly a walk in the park.”

I tried to stop moving, but it felt so weird. I didn't like floating, it was too much like being helpless. And the light was too bright. What if something came for me and I couldn't run or fight? The shadows looked dark and wild. Anything could come out of there. I imagined a big oily sludge oozing out and rising like a tidal wave, eating me, and spitting out my bones. Ptoo!

“Stop fidgeting, I'm almost done!” “Sorry.” Finally, she put me down and the light went out. I jumped up and down a couple of times, just to make sure the ground was solid. She rolled her eyes. “Is that it?” I asked.

“Course that's it. What did you want, a medal?” “Well, I thought… um.” I shrugged. “Never mind.” “Listen, Connor.” Angelica put her good hand on my shoulder. “I want you to think real hard about all the misery they put you through. I know you don't like it, but do that for me. All right?”

“Huh? Okay.” I felt my stomach flop around like a fish. Her voice sounded tight like a rubber band when she said that. Why? But then she was just gone. She didn't even say goodbye.

Think about the misery? What did she mean? Sure, the others at the caern weren't always so nice, but that wasn't really misery, was it? And before that, my human family loved me just like I was their own. I mean, they didn't let me go outside, but that was because I'd scare people. And before that…before that…

Suddenly I was growling. It vibrated deep in my chest and my skin felt like it was on fire. Then everything looked a little smaller and I realized I was in my real form, the one for fighting. I remembered dark places and pain and the backs of werewolves as they walked away, over and over. I remembered laughter that sounded like snarling, under­ neath. I heard a musical, angry sound and listened to it for a while before I noticed it was me, howling.

My heart thumped against my chest. I knew what the Rage was like, of course, but this was different. Everything

I'd remembered felt like claws slicing me open, and all I wanted was to slice them all back. I thought, if only I had them here in front of me, they would draw blood but I would draw twice as much. Everybody: my real parents, my human parents, the elders, those fomori, everybody. I lifted up my claws and they felt powerful and mean. If anybody hurt me, ever again, I knew I would hurt them back, and it would feel good. No, better than

good. It would feel right. I just knew it.

Then it was over. I changed back to homid form and dropped to my hands and knees, panting for breath. I felt my­ self crying and didn't try to stop, because nobody was there to make fun of me. I’d never wanted to hurt anyone, but I knew I would. I had to. And now, it didn't seem so scary anymore. Now a part of me did want to do it. Maybe that meant I was finally, really Garou.