Someone taught you all the wrong things. For whatever reason, the mentor who introduced you to the Awakened realm did a terrible job, and now you reap the benefits. They may have told you lies about other groups, filled your head with nonsense about the nature of magick (though in all honesty, pretty much everyone does that), or simply behaved like a raging shmuck and left you with the payoff. Now folks blame you for things you did not do (or you did out of ignorance), and the mentor’s bad rep and worse teachings hang about you like a god-slaying stink. You’ll probably recover eventually, but your Awakened career got off to a wretched start.